Religion: The Turning Point

 It was during my first year at college when it happened. I had a close group of 4 friends with whom I used to share most of my time. An interesting thing was that all 4 of us did not study together at any point in our lives but still this gang had that spark and that mindset I was comfortable with. Since all of us were born into Hindu families, we planned to go to Sabarimala temple that year and to my surprise the guy who would prefer travelling over even sleeping said he would not join us if it was a religious trip as he would prefer trekking in the hills over it. I was surprised when he said he was an atheist and did not believe in a God, as for me everyone needed to have a religion and I have never met an atheist before.

As this was an alien territory for me, I decided to explore the possibilities and started asking him more questions like why are you an atheist ? and why do you deny the existence of a God ? (I'm glad that I did this). I still remember his response as he said if there is a God and he is the protector and the supreme being, why do so many people suffer in the world including even infants?. As a reflex action, the first response that I gave was Karma and said we are paid for the work we do in our previous life, but once I said that, I started thinking, how do I know for sure?. Now I was in the middle of nowhere, at one side being born into an orthodox Hindu family and on another side having a conflict with my own logic and reasoning. In the end, I did what I usually do and cursed myself for doubting God and I was scared about the negative points that would get added up for doubting the existence of the supreme authority.

From that day, I was always having a conflict with myself. I never went to temples regularly and I never enjoyed going to temples on a daily basis as well, but being raised as a God fearing person was contradicting this thought and I was feeling guilty and puzzled all the time. At times it felt I was doing nothing wrong by denying the existence of a God and at the same time I felt that fear programmed in my thoughts as well. This was the most difficult time for me in finding out who I was or how I wanted to live my life.


To be continued.....